This is a tricky post to write - being super personal is not usually my style, I generally prefer to keep my personal world private and focus my teaching on the students rather discussing myself, but sometimes a personal story is relevant, and I hope that my personal story might have some value for some of you, so here we go.
So I haven’t always been a shiny happy meditation teacher - there was a time (more like an era) in my life when I was anxious, depressed, lost and addicted to various substances and a whole lot of bad thinking.
Now I’m not about to spin this into a shiny success story of ‘How Yoga Made me Whole Again’, because yoga & meditation were only part of the picture, but they played an important, probably fundamental element in the journey of my recovery to wellness.
Also fundamental to the journey was the engagement of suitably qualified emotional wellbeing professionals and a recovery community who taught me the power of humility, patience, unequivocal love and selfless service.
Rewind 15 years and I was recently separated from my partner, a single parent to 2 young children and at a great loss as to how to progress with my life in general. I had been practicing yoga fairly intensely in the years prior, mostly asana focussed with some study of philosophy, but there was a fairly fundamental element to the mix that I had yet to engage with.
There was a time in life when I contemplated moving into a cave…
As luck would have it, I found a psychologist during this time who had many of the answers that I didn’t know that I needed. Enter stage left, Ms Radha Nicholson, Counselling Psychologist and Meditation Teacher to the Stars. I found myself in Radha’s rooms and began a lengthy discussion that involved countless hours over numerous years, much patience (from her) and many wonderful cups of tea. Radha held the space & I told her more about myself than I had previously told any other human. Every now I then she would offer me some sagely reflection or advice, that would also seem like a beam of light upon my uncertainty.
For anyone who has not taken a journey with psychotherapy, I would infinitely recommend it, even if you are mentally flourishing, it’s like getting a car serviced, best done routinely & before the car breaks down!
Fast forward towards the end of this conversation and we found ourselves at a point where there was not much more to discuss between Radha & me. I had laid out on the table my litany of a lifetime of problems, she had listened patiently, addressed issues where possible until we both came to the only conclusion that the single remaining problem (and the only one that I could actually fix), was ME.
As luck would have it, Radha is a meditation teacher (rather a good one I might add) who had a gentle prompt for perhaps the only sustainable solution for my rattly persona.
Radha gently introduced me to the techniques and sensibility of meditation - led me to my first vipassana sit which soon rolled into many more.
Attending the Sat Chandi Mela at Rikkiapeth Ashram with my daughter, some new friends & Shakti Durga watching in the background. It was a profound moment in my journey.
I’d love to say that this was my ‘Happily Ever After Moment’ but that might seem true from afar, but in reality was far from true...
There were rather a few more episodes of emotional see-sawing in the few years to come before I committed to a sadhana & lifestyle that was sustainable. I think what meditation did for me in those years was to fast forward that process, bring me to that space of deep acceptance of my problems and furnished me with the willingness to make the necessary steps to cultivate the life of my dreams.
As in stands now, I have been sober for 11 years, have had a committed yoga & meditation practice for over 20 years and still don’t claim for any status other than ‘Okay with What is Happening Today!’
Meditation for me has involved a systematic approach towards self realisation, the first step is to 'Slow Down’ - to create enough space between our thoughts & actions that we can ’See’ what is influencing us. We get this ‘Slow Down’ effect through the practice - we come to know our motivations, our part in things and become responsive rather than reactive when situations become triggering.
The second is to become humble enough to ‘Ask for Help 🙋♂️’ - Meditation & Yoga practice are not the one stop shop for all of our ails - becoming humble enough to ask for help and willing to engage with that support are fundamental for any healing journey. Choosing a response that is going to be constructive rather than just proving our point.
Through consistent practice, we come to understand the infinitely interrelated web of karma which binds us all together - and we see how each individual conscious thought and action plays the most fundamental part in cultivating the world within which we exist.
My major area of study with meditation has been in the yogic meditation tradition, primarily through the Satyananda Yoga / Bihar School of Yoga lineage, a classical system of yoga that utilises hatha yoga, breathwork, yoga nidra & meditation as a system to cultivate stillness & self awareness.
I believe in the good things still to come…
This system has been a boon in my life, offering a clearly defined framework for practice & progression - although my support & inspiration has come from a far wider range than just this lineage. In this current time I remain very open & engaged with teachers and inspiration of various lineages, as well as the bubbling font of knowledge being cultivated by scientists who are testing and proving these age old practices.
Ultimately, meditation is just a component in the toolkit required for growth and change. In my personal experience, and my observations of others upon the path, meditation is a fairly fundamental element, but it’s not the only one. I don’t claim that Yogic Meditation is the best or the only system that works, but it is the one that I know, and it has worked well for me.
